You Know What Really Grinds my Gears pt.1

And now it’s time for another episode of ‘you know what really grinds my gears’ with Peter Griphin. Sitting in for Peter, during his time in the hospital, is the well educated Hiram Webb.
You know what really grinds my gears? Critics. Now this is a bit of irony for me, since this segment probably falls under the criteria of criticism. But specifically I’m referring to the type of critics that end up on the cover of movies to rave about how good they are. First of all, nobody knows what the heck “insert popular American city + insert variation of verb indicating news or university” is, if in fact it even exists. Probably it doesn’t. And “five thumbs up, stunning, timeless masterpiece” isn’t criticism. Actually, it’s closer to propaganda. “this sucked” or “script is juvenile” would be criticism. Just once I’d like to see a movie with a two star rating on the cover.
Imagine a world where movies displayed the tomatometer or an IMDB rating on the front cover. No wait, they’d never go for that. In fact, I think this entire rant is paramount to beatin a dead horse. I guess if there’s one thing I hope to accomplish it’s that the next time you pick up your favorite movie you notice the flagrant words of the ‘critics’ and have a good laugh.

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