You Know What Really Grinds My Gears Pt.2

And now, it’s time for anothe edition of… you guessed it! Once again, our host Peter Griphin will not be joining us tonight. He’s in North Korea for his aunt’s funeral – indefinitely. Sitting in for him is the always illustrious Hiram Webb.

You know what really grinds my gears? The skier-snowboarder wars. Like really? Are you serious? You’re really going to make fun of your cousin whom you otherwise love dearly, simply because he straps one birch to his feet instead of two? I mean the practicalities are obvious, and I agree that there needs to be some further research into the matter, but is all the drama on the ski hill really worth it? And there’s another point. They haven’t started calling them snowboarding hills yet. Mister, that kid you’re picking on for the sole reason that he’s different… yeah, you’re on his turf.

But sking is sorta like going to a rich person’s home and actually using both the forks they set out for you. Okay, either your motor skills are nill, or you’re just waaayyyy too happy because you don’t have to wash the dishes. Anyway, whatever the reason, I think we can all agree that skiers are living in excess. Mind you, on the other hand, snowboarding is a little like riding a unicycle or walking up staris when the elevator was empty, or making the bed when you won’t be back in the bedroom until night when you’ll mess it up again. Like seriously man, you’re trying so hard, and nobody’s even watching you! There are so many easier ways to get down a hill. Doing something hard is kool. Doing something hard when there’s an easire way is not.

So clearly, as evidenced by my original statement, I think it’s clear that skiers and snowboarders can never be friends, and that they must stage an epic battle on the snowy slopes until one of them overcomes the other and a definite victor is decided. Then the loosers should have their mode of transportation removed and burned in a victory bond fire. I feel this will be the only way to bring peace and enrich our society.

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